Contemplation or My Spiritual Sudoku

"Religion is like a swimming pool - all the noise is at the shallow end." theologian William H. Vanstone (1923-1999)

I’m denominationally single at the moment - I’ve been dating the Mennonites for a few years, but it’s nothing serious. My first love was the Catholic church.  In my late 20s, I was swept off my feet by those passionate Pentecostals. Twenty years later, a little jaded, I took the side exit with Brian McClaren and the Emergents.

After endless rounds of church ‘water sports’ in a crowded shallow end, I retired from my team   —exhausted. For a few years, I wanted to be left alone to swim out in the deep where it is quiet and uncrowded. I needed time to think - I've been thinking for the past ten years.

So, I’ve decided to call myself a contemplative for the time being. My apologies to those of you who have been dedicated travellers in this lane for decades. You who have profited from 14-day silent retreats, the centering prayer movement, Ignatian spirituality and such.  I've admired you from afar.  I am an imposter, but I know nowhere else to lay my weary spiritual body. It beckons me to rest, reflect and weigh up all that I know… and all that I don’t. It’s a perfect place to be.

I enjoyed writer Parker Palmer’s suggestion in his latest book ‘On the Brink of Everything’ to find a spiritual place that nurtures ‘the gift of bafflement’ rather than the prison of our religious absolutes. I have learnt to be content with mystery; to live in the places that are foggy and undefined – joining those baffled and confused ones.

This style of practice causes me to renew the way I live out my faith. I cycle through periods of stopping, resting and thinking and then return to activity. The Ignatians call it ‘Contemplation in Action’ –  thinking that seeks closeness to God. Resulting in right and loving actions.  Thomas Merton, one of my champions, would be happy that contemplation and meditation are in vogue!  Both are just devotion and prayer dressed up for our times.

We live in times filled with complicated issues, and the weight of our words is increasingly burdensome.  Contemplation relieves that pressure by allowing time to have a good think – a healthy dialogue with God - a place to relax and ask the questions that may be too bold or even too wild to declare out loud.

When I'm stressed, my rather nerdish form of relaxation is to complete a Sudoku or a crossword. I find both so soothing and calming. Likewise, contemplation or meditation allows time to sit quietly and play a game of spiritual Sudoku thoughtfully and quietly trying to find the pieces that will connect me with that elusive peace and understanding - cracking the spiritual code.

We have been warned from an early age to avoid diving into shallow water. Thie risk of injury is high. So take some time to walk up to the deep, find a spot where only you and the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob dwell. Take a deep breath and dive in headfirst. That is the act of holy contemplation.

There is Another Voice

First light 

Covered by noisy blether 

Whispered defeat

Coaxing shy despair

With deceit

Take THIS pill

Swallow

wait 

Numb head

But there is another voice

Aroused from sunny sleep

To punch the darkness 

Slap the sadness 

Goodness named by God 

Wrapped in me

Alive, say, to rise again 

---

Mother Mary

Passing by this store window in my neighbourhood today reminded me of another mary memorabilia…..

It was a statue, a gift from my quirky Godmother on the occasion of my first baptism. She stood about as high as a school ruler and fairly shone, so perfect was the porcelain.

Like the original Virgin, she had a hard life.  She lived in the back of my linen cupboard for at least 30 years. Incarcerated through no fault of her own. A product of religious discrimination. Mine.

Periodically, I would catch a  glimpse of her when we hosted houseguests and all the sheets and towels were in use. Mary lay recumbent against the blue and white chequered liner fittingly matching that flowing white gown with the blue veil.

Our eyes would meet.  

"Sorry, I know you don't deserve to be here. You are just part of the collateral damage of a faith switch.  My new Evangelical friends wouldn't understand.  And I've got my kids to consider. They'd be confused. You, a worthless idol? Right?

Deep down, I knew Mary didn't deserve this life in the dark.   

But how could I release her from this prison of linen?

Advent would prove to be the perfect time for the heist.

 My niece, Grace, invited me to her Confirmation – her Roman Catholic confirmation. Mary came out.

 I freed her that day. She went to a good home. A family that would place her in a glass display cabinet where she could show off that sheen and that beautiful smile.  

 It wasn't easy letting go; despite everything. She's free now. I'm so sorry.

May this be a season of letting go of things in the dark—even a season of rediscovery and re-gifting.

To Love

“To be commanded to love God at all, let alone in the wilderness, is like being commanded to be well when we are sick, to sing for joy when we are dying of thirst, to run when our legs are broken, But this is the first and great commandment nonetheless. Even in the wilderness - especially in the wilderness- you shall love him. ”

— A Room Called Remember Frederick Buechner

Masked

It doesn't seem long ago that we were arguing and sorting out global policies on face coverings. Could a security guard have her face covered? What happens with someone in full hijab goes through customs at the airport?

What a difference a pandemic makes – now we are all using face covering. Now we are insisting on it and not just tolerating it.

I wonder what our Muslim sisters think now –  Vindicated? Accepted?

The discrepancies are particularly true in the European Union where laws informally known at 'burqa bans' that essentially forbid any face covering that hides identity – on the basis of public safety – are now questionable. In 2020, a person in some European countries could be banned for not wearing a face covering and equally at risk of penalty if they do wear the full burka—both in the name of public safety.

No wonder the bible turns us towards the heart as the eye to the soul. Our image-makers and breakers must be careful about what we allow and disallow. It just demonstrates the complexity of life.

Heaven help us!

Live it

How then do we teach our children and pass on a faith we are still working out?

- Allow curiosity

- Listen

- Don’t dispense false hope 

- Be real 

Communion. Out of sight, out of mind  

For me it all started with the bread - the round white dollar-coin-size bread or wafers as we renamed them in the name of accuracy. At 10 years old dressed, like a bride, I had my first taste. I’ve remained connected and fascinated with this practice.
I heard the nuns provided the bread and purchased the wine.

I watched the man in the white kaftan serve the meal and then do the dishes.

Now I’ve forgotten. Just realized. These past six months I’ve never missed it. I didn’t give it a thought. Wow. That’s sad.

Selah

The Giant Pause – Selah

The word selah is mentioned 74 times in the Hebrew Bible, and the meaning has been a hot topic for theologians. I think of selah as a pause between what has been revealed and what is yet to come.

A moment of reflection. A meditative bench.

We are in such a time right now that demands a giant pause.  It offers pause to reflect on the past and to dream about what will be—our chance to reset in order to thrive in a future time.

Now that the shock of our new status quo has subsided, this is the time to ask some critical questions. 

What can I do from now on to flourish?

 Where can I find meaning and satisfaction?

What does connection with others mean to me?

 What counts as a good relationship?

Selah

Who am I

Selah

God is gracious. He allows for this breath. This selah. This tremendous opportunity.

A prayer for those that serve somebody

O Lord our heavenly Father, whose blessed Son came not to be served but to serve: Bless, we ask you, all who, following in his steps, give themselves to the service of others; that with wisdom, patience, and courage, they may minister in his name to the suffering, the friendless, and the needy; for the love of him who laid down his life for us, the same thy Son our Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Placement

I listened to the beginning of a sermon online from a local church. It began with a litany of how this world was going down the gurgler. Pulling out all the usual suspects – climate change, racism, COVID and moral decay. Lets milk this.

“ You need Jesus more than ever now.” he preached.   

Outside the sun shone. Even sparkled.  A beautiful late summer morning hovering around 22 degrees. The grass greener than usual for August. The city quietly rising for the long weekend.  And – literally - birds chirping outside my window.

I couldn’t find a place to accept this mouthful of horror on the menu.

And I didn’t need Jesus more than ever.

I just needed Him.

A Tale of Three Vows - a pandemic essay

It was a day in May like any other—like every other. A day to make an ordinary, everyday pledge. I hadn’t uttered a vow for over 35 years.

The breeze on this glorious spring morning whipped around my naked neck. I should have collected that wool scarf hanging on a hook at my door entry and wrapped it around my now vulnerable neck. My mistake. Now I tugged at the zipper of my thin jacket, pulling it closer to my chin, urging it to work harder at its job. I had been fooled by the May date and glamorous light streaming in through clean windows. Warm in imagination but chilly in reality.

All of us, in some way or another, are tugging at thin jackets to ward off a brisk season of unusual winds. We are striving to make sense or at least find peace during a pandemic. As I walked along the sea wall in this strange new world, I was reminded of a pledge I made to my husband 33 years ago.

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Soulkitchen is in its ninth year of operating in Canada.

Our Food Ministry is known to many needy folk in the downtown Vancouver area as thousands of meals have been served and delivered through either our Shelter Connections, Church Outreach Services or the vibrant “more than a roof” housing society meal program.

This work originates from the heart - a heart moved to help the needy and the lost. This has been a very challenging season for so many. Our overdose deaths in the city are the highest ever recorded - 174 last month. We are concerned about the mental health implications of the COVID pandemic. Our mission now is to find ways to reach people with food and kindness even during these times.  We serve takeaway meal boxes primarily now for the shelters and our tenants.  We look forward to the days of full dining rooms again!

Soulkitchen is honoured and privileged to stand together with many others that are movitated to serve the city through offerings of friendship, pastoral care and hospitality.

For those of you who follow our work, we would like to thank you for your belief and trust in the Soulkitchen mandate to share the good news through food and hospitality.

Thank you all for your support and prayers.

The Tennis Player

I play tennis like I play Christianity. I am well trained but essentially a lousy player. My son and I recently played a couple of sets on a lovely summers evening.  He is untrained, fit and strong. I am trained to make my shots, but I can't reach those wide or short balls.  He won 6-0 6-0.  I know I'm a better player, but only when I don't have to move far or move quickly, just like my faith. Boxed in.

• The Lob  - spiritualese going way overhead

• The Let – annoying biblical contradictions make us start over again

• The Volley – smashing down an idea before it touches earth

• The Smash – aggressive Christianity

• The Rally – vibrant spiritual discussion where someone wins point but

  it’s fun for both players

• The Deuce -  when we leave it up to God to get even

• The Serve – beliefs that don't go outside the lines

• The Doubles – me vs church

• The Singles –  me vs me

• Mixed Doubles – me and the church vs the world

• Game Point – the point that says 'now prove it.'

• Set Point - it's coming together or salvation

• Championship Point – Pearly Gates

Two Pairs of Flipflops

I am wearing one pair of flipflops and carrying another in my hands. Eventually, I will branch out fully into the new. I will throw those old flipflops to the wind!

I remember working in an office that was changing over from a Microsoft system to Apple.  We didn’t trust ourselves with the new system. We feared a potential loss of our historical data. We decided to continue to employ the old system as a back up for the new.  Understandable. Even wise.  But over the long term it became unhealthy.  We had paid over $25,000 for the new technology and here we were with more work—double handling.  There is a time to just work with the new.

 My flipflops have the same basic function — just different colours. Like the biblical illustration that talks about a patch being ill-fitted to a garment. There is a now a new garment – a new wine. A new worship.  A new freedom. 

I have no doubt that it is not the last of change.  In fact, the 2020 flipflops will become my old familiar flipflops for this season and then will come something new.

 What do you do now with that nudge or alarm that is calling for change? Your life work. Your mission.  Freshen it up?

The Characters of Everything

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Mary Oliver - Poet

““I stood willingly and gladly in the characters of everything - other people, trees, clouds. And this is what I learned, that the world’s otherness is antidote to confusion - that standing within this otherness - the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books - can re-dignify the worst-stung heart.””

— Mary Oliver

We would do well to stand willingly and gladly in this world’s otherness — standing with and grappling with the other as our antidote to confusion and hate.

Spare Me the Details

Do I need to know all the details?  Do I need to know all the variances?  The consequences. The possible outcomes.

Jesus seems to be saying to us to trust in Him and seek wisdom and understanding.

I have not forgotten these words said at a conference we attended in Vernon, B.C. a couple of years ago….

“‘Knowledge is linked to the mind. Wisdom is linked to the heart.
Knowledge doesn’t change who I am.  Understanding does.

— James Jordan - FathersHeart Ministries

We live in a world demanding answers for unfathomable situations. This is the culture we try to help and love.  We are so wrapped up in our search for the perfect answer.  The fine line. The distinctions between good and evil.

Instead, I suggest a path towards understanding.  To set aside our Pharisaic nature and breathe a little deeper into our heart.  Ask God to give us eyes to see a little better. And a new hearing to hear a little better.

“That they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts. And turn and be healed

— Isaiah 6,10